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Sunday, February 18, 2007, Sunday, February 18, 2007
1st day of CNY 07
Time really flies and its the end of the first day of CNY 07.
There are so many things that I want to blog about so just allow me to settle my thoughts before penning it down here. Throughout the entire day, as I begin to visit my maternal grandparents as well as my relatives, I just felt different deep down inside. The feeling is a mixture of maturity and adulthood all mixed together; as compared to the past years; even as recent as last year. I can briefly recall when I was still schooling, my constant worries would be would I be able to complete my homework on time or have I studied for my mandarin spelling or english dictation and by and large it is always about studies and homework.
As I grew older, I still thought about my coursework, projects, exams and never ending questions from my relatives on what I am doing and when I am enlisting into NS. But as time passes and as we all grow older, I realise that I am less childish and make lesser immature statements but at the same time, I still think about certain issues such as:
- What is the next career move that I should make?
- What is the next certification I should take?
- Would I be able to settle down and be really successful in the near future?
My conclusion is no matter how old you are; how much you are currently earning; there will always be a constant stream of worries and doubts that you have to face and overcome. Except the only difference is the level of complexity increases with each passing year.
I want to be different from others. To be able to truly make a difference in first my family, then amongst my relatives. To shine for Him whenever and whatever I may be doing. However, in order to realise this dream requires a lot of focus and emotional security.
-Am I focused enough to make an impact?
-Am I emotionally secured to truly be a giver to my loved ones?
The answer is I am still a W.I.P. I will still stumble and make mistakes at times; say things that I should say, ask questions that I regret but I am determined to make lesser mistakes with each passing day. I have never been taught by anyone on how to relate to another person properly without imposing too much on the other party emotionally but I have learnt through some of the hard knocks that I have encountered thus far.
With each mistake, I am determined not to repeat it again.
To be able to learn from your mistakes and not make it again is wisdom. And to do that, I would need to understand why I cannot attempt to do it the very same way that I have done in the past. At this point, I just want to thank my friends who really stood by my side and never gave up on me even when I persisted on making the past mistakes.
Without your persistence for me to change, I would have remained the same.
On the emotional front, I am determined to make 2007 the best year yet. Why? Because I believe that when God prospers you, He prospers you in all areas; not just selected areas. Whether or not I end this year attached or still single, it doesn't matter because at the end of the day, it's all in His Hands and the timing is His.
Propsering emotionally is not just about going into a relationship. On the flip side, it is more of being emotionally secured yourself and digesting the knowledge that God loves you; no matter whether you are single or not and He is the source of all love in the universe. Until we can fully understand this and learn to look at things at a macro-level, we cannot manage our emotions on a micro-level.
True?
Thus, although both my parents and grandparents have been asking me if I have any girlfriend right now, I feel quite proud to tell them that I am still searching. haha! But I will continue to work hard and hopefully next CNY, I would be able to realise one dream of driving my car with her for visitations. :)
I still want to get married when I am 28.
God, I entrust my desires into Your Hands.
me
