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Thursday, November 09, 2006, Thursday, November 09, 2006
I have a dream
Too many things to blog. Too many categories to sort. Too little time to blog.
I just want to say that I feel most at home when I am with a person who can really understand me; the way Iam wired and how I communicate with people. What do I mean by "feeling most at home"?. By that, I don't neccessarily refer to being in love with the person, but its really about being able to open my inner self to the other party. In the past 11 months of my singlehood; life has been topsy turvy for me emotionally. At times, I feel like a ship that can't find a docking harbour. A fish that can't find a pail of water to swim in. In short, I felt insecure, dry and frustrated. I tried various ways and a couple of short term friendships came along the way; some being one sided; and others ended rather without any conclusions. With each passing demise of the friendship, I grew increasingly frustrated because I don't understand why it's so hard to find someone who I am attracted to and at the same time, being able to relate myself to her.
I don't like the feeling of being alone. The ironic thing is that even if I am with my friends at time, I will still feel alone and disconnected. I know that is not right and thats why I hope by writing it out and going through a thought process, I would be able to find out the answer. So over a period of time, I just feel that its meaningless to go out and ra-ra with my friends when I don't even feel a single thing at all. When we all go home, its back to square one.
I miss the feeling of being loved and being missed. I missed being able to sms the special someone or call her up surprisingly to whisper sweet nothings. Untypical of a guy you might say; but this is who I am. Since young, I have never liked maths and never thought of becoming an engineer as a matter of fact. So I guess you can pretty much see the line forming from there.
Although I know that my blog is a very public space but then again, this is one of the avenues for my friends to find out what is going through my mind and therefore I shouldn't deny them the opportunity to do so.
On a serious note, I longed to be loved and treasured. To be missed and thought about. To hug and be hugged. I have told my close friends that I want to settle down by 28 and that still remains a very realistic target for me. Even though I have no one to pin that hope upon right now..but I still firmly believe that its acheivable. The reason is very simple. For me, I feel that I can only be even more focused when I find the special someone. You might have your own opinions about that but its alright with me.
As times passes, my definition of what I am looking for in my partner becomes clearer and clearer. These are some broad guidelines:
1) Possesses an Expressive Nature
2) Have a steady career; doesn't matter if she is from a different industry
3) Pretty and Gorgeous Looking
4) Excellent Communicator
5) Sharp Dresser; excellent fashion sense (at least to me)
6) Intellectual in nature
7) Currently attending CHC.
I am excited to find out who she is going to be. But in the meantime, I will continue to strive hard to improve myself, my family, my career and my ministry.
Signing Out...
me
