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Tuesday, May 30, 2006, Tuesday, May 30, 2006
My 117th
Today is the 117th post i've ever written on a blog thus far. Well, life has certainly changed for me since i started this blog way back in 2003. Back then, i started this blog because my ex-girlfriend had a blog and i thought well it would be cool for me to start one too. Tagging on each other's tag board always felt good because there is a kind of interaction where you can post mushy mishy messages on your dear's tagboard.
How time flies, here i am in 2006; closing onto the month of june; in which another 2 more months would be 1 yr since we ended. Well, since that day, many things have changed, some for the better, some stayed the same, some became worse. I really want to thank God for every single provision that He has placed in my life; financially, spirtually, often surrounding me with great friends that i can go out with. Other than that, life has been work-work-home-church-work. God has indeed touched me many times during cg or services where i would wept and cry in His presence because of His overwhelming presence. And it is because of His constant comforting, that i didn't turn to worldly means to numb myself of the seperation pain in the inital 2 months.
Emotionally, i am still unfulfilled. Every single day; wherever i go, whoever i am with, i know that there is still a place in my heart that is reserved for the very special someone whom i've yet to meet thus far. Daily constant battles with loneliness is something i always faced; esp during weekends when i got to constantly ask people to go out with me so that time passes faster. Many people tell me that i should be patient and wait for God to provide for me in this area of my life and i fully understand their kind intentions.
However many a times, it takes a moment to understand, a lifetime to learn and execute.
Everyday seems the same to me. Thats why being a teacher is very important to me too. Its not just the salary that matters; but the high level of human-human interaction in my life currently that helps me get pass each day with ease and comfort; throughout the past few months. Okay, this paragraph is a sidetrack from my main topic.
The truth is;
i missed being in a relationship
i missed being able to go out with the special someone for beancurd
i missed being able to drive out with the special someone
i missed being able to hug her in public and hold her hands
i missed being able to give a peck and recieve one in return
i missed being able to buy breakfast for the special someone
i missed being missed
i hate being alone right now.
i tried very hard, to focus on ministry, cell group, to serve God and yes He has blessed me with much. But in this area, i am still the same. i am not desperate for a girlfriend but at the same time, i am suffocating without one.
who can really understand the real glenn beneath the exterior?
who can really see the underlying currents before the tsunami hit?
who can really once again touch my heart and make me fall in love again?
i am really v tired my friends. v tired of all these. but i will continue to persist; to fight the good fight of faith.
because i know that God will not let me down.
me
