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Friday, September 09, 2005, Friday, September 09, 2005
Past, Present, Future
Having lived and breathed the air of Singapore ever since i was born, i have never for one moment missed my comfortable lifestyle here or neither have the desire to exchange it for any other place in the world. Frankly speaking, if a person were to offer me a new home in one of the major commercial cities such as New York, Tokyo, Milan or even Madrid; I would decline the offer. Maybe a short trip to these places would be nice, but then again, the jet lag and unpredictable in the air situations would be enough to put me off. Although many locals complain that Singapore has a high standard of living, cars are expensive, houses are expensives, no life even during the weekends where the only place we could go is either downtown or escape to nearby Pulau Ubin or drive into neighbouring Johor for a sumptous meal of seafood; but who would readily trade in their first class citizenship for a second class citizenship elsewhere?
After my O levels in 1998, my parents decided to send me to a boarding school in Perth where i could do my A levels in 9 months, as compared to the traditional JC system in Singapore where it takes 2 years. Needless to say, it was a disatrous move. Maybe it is due to my inability to adapt, my un-matureness to know how to manage my new lifestyle in a completely new environment, i just couldn't settle into the slow paced, cold, quiet city of Perth. Waking up in the mornings was something i dreaded the most because then, the temperatures in the morning would nose dived to 2-5 degrees and imagine being alone in an unknown city, where they served a constant and consistent dosage of scrambled eggs, sausages, pancakes every single day. How i must have missed my familar char kway teow, economical bee hoon, soya bean drink! As i got through the day, things got slightly better; but the heavily accented slang of the lecturers often left me scratching my head; wondering what did he/she just said? On top of trying to adjust to the new life, poring through my books was even harder. Economics formulas, Mathematics sums all contributed to a mind boggling 2 - 3 hours of homework i had to do. Thus, after 1 month in the city of Perth, i called it quits.
Ya, you might be saying, "what a waste?!". I understand. My parents and relatives couldn't understand why i was so soft and was not able to adapt to the environment. I think i could liken it to trying to put a salt-water fish into a fresh water tank. Ya, thats how it was.
But one never goes through life with their experiences wasted. Looking back, if i didn't quit my course then and returned to Singapore disgraced, i would have never entered Temasek Poly, i would have never met and befriended a wonderful group of friends and would have never became a Christian. Ya, every experience in life counts, doesn't it? Its quite amusing though, as i look back sometimes on the long, winding, dusty road that i've travelled, the first 16km of it was only a pair of footprints, the latter 7km of it was 2 pairs of footprints. And i like the latter 7km of the road, because there is where i know that despite the circumstances that i am going through, there is a God who will always be there for me, no matter what.
As i stand at the crossroads of my life once again after 23 km of travelling, many questions are going through my mind right now.
"How would life be in the future?"
"How would life be living with my loved one 10 years down the road?"
"Will I ever find the job that would set me to fulfil my destiny that God has in mind?"
"Would I ever save enough to settle down?"
"How would I become in the future?"
"In what areas would I be serving in church in the future?"
You know, life is always full of questions and more questions; doubts and more doubts; in short its never certain. But i know that beyond all these doubts, God is looking; poring through the pages of scripts in His hands, as we go through our daily life. I have always liken life to be a drama that God has written for every single one of us. Everything is planned and every need is catered for. Without a single question, God says "Trust in me". "Take a step towards Me and that usually means the unknown and I will take 1000 steps towards you". Although my flesh is often weak and unwilling, always tryin to do things on its own strength, am i willing to submit it to His authority and step out in faith to trust Him in all things?
"God, help my unbelief"
To many people, attending church services is a total waste of time, not only the long travelling time, but many people see it as not being able to finish their work, projects or even their shopping on a wkend. Not to mention serving. Ha. But i can tell you sometime, ever since i started attending services 5 years ago weekly, i have never for once came out of it, saying "its such a boring service". Of course, there are many times that my heart is not ready or not open to recieve the word preached during that week, but almost every week, the presence of God juz came, and dwell amongst the congregation. Ever so strong. Ever so tangible. Everytime i cry in service, its not because i am sad, but literally i could feel God so near such that its like someone bending over to kiss you on the cheek and hugging you. Wow.
"That is how real God is"
In the future, we would be moving to first expo and subsequently a new location in downtown. However, its not the location that matters, its not whether we are worshipping God in a 100 million titanium stadium or in a normal hall, its not whether are we 100,000 strong congregation or only 20,000..its your heart and my heart. All things will eventually fade away as time passes, but we must never forget to guard our hearts with all dilligence and faithfulness.
All the doubts i have, all the questions i have, i have decided to nail it onto the Cross.
Because of a simple belief that my life is always in God's hand.
Right now, i would just keep on keeping on. I miss His presence so much. I miss my dearie so much too. Hope to be able to see her tonight. :)
me
